yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Come see our sink grown plant.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Randomize
