I'm jealous of your bromance
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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