I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
