We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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