Don't make out with my wife yet
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
