I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize