Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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