I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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