I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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