Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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