Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
