just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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