I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
