my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
