I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
