forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Everclear isn't food dammit
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
