dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
