I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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