"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
