what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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