my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
