The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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