Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
