Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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