come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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