We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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