i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
