i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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