I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
