In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
