They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
