conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
