oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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