I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
