with your own penis?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
