I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize