I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
