Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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