Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
