U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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