Soap is not a condiment
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
time to smoke my breakfast
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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