I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We named our party play list daddy issues
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
