My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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