don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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