You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
