I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
