Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
