Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
