I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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