So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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