i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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