Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
