i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
