Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize