fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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