It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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