Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
