wat bout pragnant strippers??
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
