You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
