Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
