Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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