Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
