Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
