Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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