you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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