In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
