My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
