I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
