i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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