I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
