Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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