we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
