my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
