watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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