Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
