i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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